liturgically
there are four Sundays in Advent
this current calendar year
is the shortest Advent can be
we had ten days between
Thanksgiving
and the first Sunday
like a pre-Advent
waiting to wait
in those days
I thought to put up a tree
switch out my everyday china
for green and gold
but I kept waiting
I don't know why
if you want something done
just do it
the first Sunday of Advent
was my grandmother's birthday
and our first without her
she was born during Advent
and she died during Advent
but I don't think she died
waiting for anything
I think she was tired of waiting for
the reunion with my grandfather
(he died during the previous Epiphany)
she went almost an entire liturgical calendar without him
but did not wish to experience
the shortest season
(Christmas, a mere 12 days)
without him
she didn't need to complete the cycle
she died exactly 48 weeks after him
because she wanted to
we buried her during
the 12-day season
we sang Oh Come All Ye Faithful while entering the church
and Hark! The Herald Angels Sing while exiting
we all struggle(d)
our hearts so hurt and sad
someone else said
grief is love with nowhere to go
but the seasonless love she showed me
lives on through me
I have tried to redirect my love for her
into my children
into my spouse
into my village
to try to find the divine
in the waiting
in the in betweens
both the journeys and the destinations
I have tried to
have patience and grace
in the in betweens
there are two liturgical seasons
where we wait
the four Sundays before Jesus is born
and the forty-seven days before he dies
the bookends
candles being lit and extinguished
entering and exiting
carrying forth the torch that her soul was and is
waiting for birthdays and deathdays
observing them with celebration
bring out the decorations and light and heirlooms
celebrate having known this love
celebrate knowing this love
wait for the warmth of cherished memories
find places for your love to go
grieve
and wait again
