We did that, tonight. We found outdoor space, had one cocktail each, and went our separate ways, to our separate houses and lives. I leave in the morning for a wedding in Florida, so I did laundry and cleaned my bedroom, to include mopping the floor. This is out of character for me.
What was I really trying to cleanse? Why am I so irritated by the separateness?
He messaged me to ask me to go for a walk in the morning before I hit the road. I reminded him (again) that I have an early yoga date.
Me: I look fwd to the day when I don't have to say, "baby, I gave you access to my calendar for a reason." B/c you'll be a part of all my plans.
Him: I will never be a part of *all* your plans. I am sorry that I forgot to check your schedule before asking.
Him: You will go to yoga, drinks with the girls/boys, dinner with funders, some I will be included in, some I will not. I'll forget stuff. I will try not to, but I will. And it will always annoy you because you are a planner and I am not. And we will be alright anyway.
I took a deep breath before admitting (to myself) that he's right.
I'm going to be annoyed, but, at some point in the not terribly distant future, our lives will not be separate. He will help me with laundry (and/or contribute to the housekeeper I desperately desire), travel out of state with me, attend weddings with me, be a part of the minutiae (or hugeness) of my daily routines.
It reminded me of Richard Gere's "perfect proposal" from Runaway Bride, one of dozens of rom coms that shaped what I thought love would be:
"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."
In my heart, I know he's the one for me. And we will be all right.
Goodnight, productive Friday night spent alone. Maybe this is our last meeting. And, if not, we will all be all right.